Apotheosis

14 Years by Alana Kabaka ’21

7

the first time i made a memory

a haze of different colors

Blues

Purples

bleeding together to make the sweetest memories

it was like lemonade the sweetest

most divine

Lemonade

you have tasted

and i sat there sipping on it

 

7

the first time i found out someone i love so much

could leave without a trace

disappear into thin air

pretend i was not there

 

11

the age i finished a chapter book

it fell together

making so much sense.

The words string together

sewn together

piece

by

piece.

A symphony of words bouncing in my head.

i run my fingers over the words

like braille.

my fingers

suck them up like a sponge in water

 

11

the first time i loved someone to the point it hurt

it made my fingers

curl and my stomach turn

knives thorns piercing my skin

letting out a trickle of blood

but i still love him

Because

i think

no matter how far away he was

he loves me

too

 

12

the first time i realized i didn’t have white privilege oozing out of my ears

That people will be treated  different

because my skin is painted with melanin

my hair was in tight curls

i didn’t know this was a bad thing

i carried myself like a trophy

not knowing

i would have to work 10 times harder.

 

13

the first time i felt out of place

like a giraffe in a herd of zebras

Bathed in rainbows when everyone else was

black

and

white

Peacocked around for media attention

a piece of meat to a pack of hungry wolves

 

13

the first time being called anorexic

being too “skinny”

too “flat”

Having a full stomach off of

a bottle of water

being cold in a warm room

SCARED my bones would break from just standing there

drowning

in 2 feet of water

having my clothes drape my body

i didn’t think that was

anorexic

 

14

when i realized putting pen to paper was my thing

the way the words flow from my pen

not realizing the way it put words together

that could make people feel

some kinda way.

 

14

the number of times i mess up in a day

because i am

Perfectly

Imperfect

And i have to be ok with that

Because i have to love myself

it’s hard it’s so hard

i could name

14 things

i see wrong with my self by just looking in the mirror

My yellow teeth

my non existent eyebrows

my flat chest

 

14

the number of times

i wanted to go back in time

to when the grass tickled my toes

every time i went outside was a new adventure

I drank adventure like i drank milk

hoping it would make my bones stronger

When i thought i stood on top of the world

looking at everyone under

my feet

 

14

the number of years

i

was blessed

on this earth

 

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