Apotheosis

But At Least I Woke Up Today by Em Paquette ’18

I woke up today,

I had the ability to move today,

My mind hasn’t shut down today,

But never ask me about yesterday.

Because yesterday,

Was the reason I never thought I would wake up today,

Because yesterday,

Yesterday,

I wrote a note telling why I didn’t want to live that day,

I wrote down all of my thoughts about why I hate that day,

But I woke up today.

 

This is all because of the crippling disease I am a prisoner of,

I was sentenced to life without parole many years ago,

By the kids in my school,

Who cornered me,

Spitting not spitballs at my face, but a life sentence of

Hatred,

Loneliness,

And depression.

 

Because of those kids back in 3rd grade,

My body holds a massacre of scars, bumps, and bruises.

Because of those kids back in 4th grade,

I can’t look at my body and think beauty.

Because of those kids in 5th grade,

My eyes meet the floor before they ever meet you.

 

But there once was a day,

Where I ran around in pink tutus,

Where my feet were covered in mud,

When my mind was lost in the clouds shapes,

When I played in my backyard playground,

With my brothers holding onto me,

I sat in a world of dreams, flowers, and seas,

That used to be me.

 

Because now today,

I am a person drowning in a world of fears, tears, and scars,

With my only friend my notebook,

When my mind can’t slow down to let me even sleep let alone take a breath,

When I can’t stop shaking from my dripping anxiety,

Where I tap my feet to an unknown beat,

Where I hide my true feelings by being the person they used to tell me to be,

yet that still isn’t truly me.

 

But at least I woke up today.

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