But At Least I Woke Up Today by Em Paquette ’18
I woke up today,
I had the ability to move today,
My mind hasn’t shut down today,
But never ask me about yesterday.
Because yesterday,
Was the reason I never thought I would wake up today,
Because yesterday,
Yesterday,
I wrote a note telling why I didn’t want to live that day,
I wrote down all of my thoughts about why I hate that day,
But I woke up today.
This is all because of the crippling disease I am a prisoner of,
I was sentenced to life without parole many years ago,
By the kids in my school,
Who cornered me,
Spitting not spitballs at my face, but a life sentence of
Hatred,
Loneliness,
And depression.
Because of those kids back in 3rd grade,
My body holds a massacre of scars, bumps, and bruises.
Because of those kids back in 4th grade,
I can’t look at my body and think beauty.
Because of those kids in 5th grade,
My eyes meet the floor before they ever meet you.
But there once was a day,
Where I ran around in pink tutus,
Where my feet were covered in mud,
When my mind was lost in the clouds shapes,
When I played in my backyard playground,
With my brothers holding onto me,
I sat in a world of dreams, flowers, and seas,
That used to be me.
Because now today,
I am a person drowning in a world of fears, tears, and scars,
With my only friend my notebook,
When my mind can’t slow down to let me even sleep let alone take a breath,
When I can’t stop shaking from my dripping anxiety,
Where I tap my feet to an unknown beat,
Where I hide my true feelings by being the person they used to tell me to be,
yet that still isn’t truly me.
But at least I woke up today.