Apotheosis

Raft by Elle Dickey ’19

I feel like a raft in the ocean

Just lost in the sea of endless emotion

The raft is my life: crappy yet strong

Trying to stay afloat but can’t hold on

It’s a battle everyday

Trying to convince everyone that I’m ok

Covering myself with a mask

So, people don’t know, so they won’t ask

Screaming as loud as I can, but not being heard

Trying to make everyone less concerned

It’s ok; I say I’m doing fine

That’s what I tell everyone, even though I’m dying inside

It’s a constant struggle to try and look happy

Even though my life is really crappy

I try to tell my friends but they can’t relate

I have accepted that this is my life; this is my fate

What can you do when your “good” isn’t good enough?

They say “It’s okay, life is tough.”

Don’t say you know what I’m going through and that you’re sad

I know this isn’t what you want to hear, my bad

A crappy diagnosis one after another

Sometimes I think why even bother

“God has a plan,” they all seem to say

If there is one, he takes off in May

Why believe in something that doesn’t work

Yet when Sunday comes around, we put on our best shirt

I’m trying to recover from all of this crap

They get better, but guess what? It’s a trap

Back through another round of treatment

Going to the doctors once a month is an achievement

But there I am, just a raft in the ocean

Just lost in the sea of blurry emotion

I wonder if I pop my raft and let it sink

What then would everyone think

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