What Music Does

Jerking pain flows up through my leg as my body rejects the thought of a soft landing off of my balance beam. It was no balance beam, of course, it was only the arm of the couch that I had been standing on. Well, to say I was standing was an understatement rather, I was twirling upon my armrest with ease until my unfortunate demise onto the floor.

I usually find solace in laying on my floor after dancing around my room for hours. Yet, right now I can only focus on the throbbing pain that is creeping up my ankle as One Direction still blasts through my headphones. I have loved music ever since I was a little girl when I would sit outside my brothers’ bedroom door and listen to him as he played softly on his guitar. With him out of the house now, the closest thing I have to him playing in my headphones.

Even when I was a little girl, music has been calming for me. Music is the one thing I turn to when all else fails. As someone with severe depression and anxiety, the opportunity to have little escapes from it, like dancing to music alone in my room, make my bad days a little easier. I assume it might calm me down because it is distracting. Hearing other people’s voices, and stories can make you come out of your own mind and change your perspective. When I listen to music, my mind flutters away from what might be dragging me down to the depths of my thoughts and it inspires me to keep going and pushes me towards writing to tell my own story.

Music naturally stems into my love for writing, as I grew up writing for my brother’s band. I jot down my worries, fears, and past memories in the form of lyrics as a way to process. Even though I didn’t start listening to music as a way to cope with my depression and anxiety, I feel as though music always knew what it was secretly doing for me. I never thought something so small as listening to music would help me through my toughest of times. However, I am glad to be proven wrong.