Lovely by Kathryn Gefre ’19

Lovely, she sat there. Fake laughing and smiling even though she wishes she was at home with her mom.

Lovely, she under ate and she promised herself she deserves it.

Lovely, she realizes how much it hurts when she is not valued, her body defining her worth.

 

Lonely, she sits in the stairwell-her feet digging into the carpet waiting for his car lights to bring her back to reality.

 

Longing, as she ponders what else is waiting for her.

 

Listening- she hears the soft breeze as the cars pass her by under the bright lights

 

Loving- she knows she loves herself; even if it means all of this pain,

All of the late-night phone calls and messages

All of the times she was here but she wished she was there

All of the spontaneous nights that made her happy combined with the loud noise of how people treat her and as her broken heart eases up-

she knows she loves herself.

 

She knows she is lovely.

 

She knows what she is worth – more than that $5 movie that seemed like a stretch

More than that teary-eyed phone call that she didn’t deserve,

More than that passive aggressive text, that wasn’t her fault.

More than that cold hand on her body that she didn’t give permission to be there –

More than what she wears and what other people “think” she deserves;

More than that 4am car ride home in the dark

– tired and unfulfilled.

 

She still knows she is lovely.

 

Because Lovely is being there for her friends,

Lovely is being stuck in the rain because her mom didn’t get to the door in time,

Lovely isn’t laughing the pain away when someone hurt her – but admitting she is hurt.

Lovely is empathizing, traveling and seeing through different lenses than just her own.

Lovely is having the strength to say no.

Lovely is choosing to be high off life and not being afraid to put herself first.

 

Lovely, is me.